Returning to my First Love

On the way to work the other morning I was listening to an MP3 teaching and it briefly mentioned the verse in Revelation where Jesus says to the church in Ephesus: "You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen, repent and do the things you have done at first."

Instead of thinking about where I am right now as a Christian, I thought about what it was like when I first became a Christian.

Remember things like this:

• When you couldn't get enough of the Word of God and would read it at every spare moment?
• When you loved to be around other Christians, were in church every time the doors were opened?
• When you were filled with love for other Christians?
• When you desperately wanted others to experience the same thing you experienced?
• When you wrangled with passages in the Scripture to determine its meaning, especially for you and your life?
• When you had such childlike faith you believed everything was possible with God and nothing was impossible?
• When you could tell in your spirit that you shouldn't be watching certain TV shows or movies? When you were so sensitive to the spirit you instinctively knew right from wrong?

How did I end up falling away from all of that? This is my confession of how I fell away from being utterly in love with Jesus:

I know I got caught up in watching my church leaders - wondering how the pastor had so much time to watch TV because it seemed to be all he talked about in his sermons. Then starting to think that it would be okay to watch the same shows he does because after all, he's a pastor.

I also watched the deacons and other leaders in my church and saw gossip, hating, watching of R-rated movies, etc. Well, I still don't like R-rated movies, but you get the idea. I started looking at the leaders in my church to set the standard for my behavior.

In the beginning I yielded to the Holy Spirit, and that was my standard. It was a way different standard from what most of the church held. I should have stayed in that place, sensitive and yielding to the Holy Spirit.

I remember attending other church prayer meetings. When did I stop devoting myself to so much prayer? When I first became a Christian I prayed a lot, and remember praying in a Catholic Charismatic prayer meeting. When did that stop? Now, it seems a lot of meetings are about talking, sharing, etc., and not much about prayer. I am hungry for prayer, for communication both on an individual as well as in a group meeting setting.

I am hungry for more of the Lord. I am hungry to be more sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and to be obedient to that leading.

I am convinced of this - if I return to the things that I did at first, that He will satisfy me fully, He will fill me to overflowing, and I will walk with Him and He will walk with me... closer and closer!